In 2010, I left my small hometown in pursuit of a career in sports medicine. Approximately 15 months later, I decided I wanted more - specifically medical school and quickly devised a way to pay for it. I would join the Army National Guard as a Healthcare Specialist, simultaneously gain experience and educational benefits, and badabing badadboom - we’d have Dr. Nicole in no time.

In October of 2014, I found my myself in Afghanistan as base medical support on Bagram Air Field - a pivotal experience that taught me a lot of things, particularly that I did not have the emotional stomach to be a doctor. In late June of 2015 I returned home, salty and wounded in many ways that I was not able to address as I had years left on a contract in which I agreed to be a soldier medic for the United States government.

As a member of the Army National Guard, I juggled two complete lives - one as a soldier, the other as a civilian - successfully managing the responsibilities held by both, including drill, job(s), and college schedules. There were some years I was abroad more than I was home in my civilian life. The National Guard promise of “one weekend a month, two weeks a year” frequently expanded into several weeks a month and one month in Bulgaria.

Running on little sleep like only someone in their early twenties could do, I started to cobble together a civilian career in the health & fitness industry, which felt safely adjacent to the medical field, of which I had more than my fill of whenever I was in uniform. A domino effect of opportunities occurred in my life that resulted in an Active Duty Operational Support position within the MAANG’s Risk Reduction, Resilience, and Suicide Prevention Office, shifted me from managing two careers to one.

I often describe the “combat experience” part of my military service as the least traumatizing - this was adversity that you could at least expect. What I naively did not expect where the compounding and subtle ways the violent nature of an imperial military would slip into the cracks present in my paradigm and begin to attack me from the inside out. I walked the tightrope between the “worst and best” parts of my life for the remainder of my military career - gaining professional experience and training as an expert in applied positive psychology as a Master Resilience Trainer Level 3 from a world class organization all the while fending off near constant and detrimental attacks on my psychological wellbeing.

In September of 2021, I made the extremely difficult decision to initiate the process to medically discharge from the military. The Resilience skills I had been teaching thousands of Service Members and their families staved off the symptoms caused by my environment for as long as they could until they couldn’t anymore. Teaching applied positive psychology in the US military was like getting on a train with a destination beyond the forest - inevitably you will see the trees.

My own often subconscious unwillingness to give up on my mental health is the reason I am typing this to you today. My ability to visit the the lowest points of my own human experience, roll around in them, and grope around in the dark still looking for something of value to return with is what emboldens me to lead with the confidence I do.

In the early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic, I was recruited by a subsidiary of United Health Group for my experience in teaching resilience skills and instructional design. I was quickly identified by senior leadership as someone with a critical skillset, and I was hand selected as a founding member of Optum’s Enterprise Innovation and Integration Office which consistently hovered around the enterprise’s top decision makers. During my time on this team, I was sent as the team’s training expert to attend a Leading Change course at Harvard Kennedy’s Business School under the leadership of Marshall Ganz.

This experience sent ontological shock waves through my contemporary paradigm. Through that course I had learned, in no uncertain terms, that I had been working my entire adult life for the very entities that many of my classmates were working to organize groups against. I did my best to bring my learning back to my colleagues, but my experience in that organization repeatedly showed me that I was never going to be able to turn the tides.

As I grappled with integrating the truth of a for-profit healthcare system and what exactly that means, I became aware of the ongoing occupation of Palestine as many US citizens did in the beginning of October of 2023. For a number of reasons to include my former employer’s silence on the matter, I left my position by the end of the month.

Since then, I had found space in which to heal and to become the best version of myself - one that isn’t being coopted by apex predator industries. I have found how to truly help people and how to be completely uncompromising in my values. I have learned how to serve others honestly and what my unique offerings to humanity actually are at their full capacity.

My approach to working with and leading others is shaped by more than professional credentials. I have a deep mindfulness practice that has shown me a primal and intrinsic level at which we are capable of connecting with one another. Foundationaly, I work with human beings as members of the species Homo sapiens — organisms wired for connection, pattern, and story. My approach doesn’t require belief in anything beyond your own experience inside an organic body. What I’ve learned, through formal education and my own sacred mindfulness practice alike, is that we are meant to work with nature, not against it, if we want the best outcomes for our species and the environment we belong to, shape, and are shaped by.